I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
