I am in a vortex of obligation.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
