toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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