dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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