no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
