she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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