You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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