Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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