party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Still dying that you shit outside
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
