I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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