Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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