I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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