Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
