I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
