i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
