"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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