I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
