so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
