I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
