Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
