i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
