Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
