I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
