@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
