is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
