please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
