Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
