I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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