can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
