i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
