yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
