she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
