thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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