i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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