lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
