Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
