There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no, he came in my armpit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
