we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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