There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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