Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
