Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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