i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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