Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did i walk over a car last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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