You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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