fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
