i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
