Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
