So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
