he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So drunk its hurt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
