My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
