Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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