why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
